Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Camps, Magoo, and Scummo

Ok, the time has come to define a few words, interjections, modifiers that have become very commonplace amongst a select group of corny people that I know. If someone else dares to define any other of our oddball jargonized terms, please drop it like it's hot. Here we go with 3 of the finest and flyest:

Camps: Generally a noun but also certain other parts of speech. Usually refers to a species of postmodern American east coast male whose favorite movie is Brokeback Mountain or who once played with pogs. Camps can currently be of the terrorist training, summer, or internment variety. This term originated with such titles as Camps Luther King, Martin Luther Camps, Camps Junior, and Scamps. Though many derivations of these terms exist, they are all said to originate in the surname of a friend of Michael X. Stanksworth. Evidently, this fellow Jason Camps from Miami is that chump getting his breasties felt.

Magoo: Most typically an interjection uttered in the following manner "mck mck mck mahhhgooo." A Krulesque reference to the downright disgustingly dingy life of Sir Wesley Barrow, the term encompasses a wide range of uses. In common parlance, the word can be modified by adjectives such as "big" or used simply as a verb followed by "it up." Examples are: "That rauso character is a big magoo." Or, "Did you magoo it up again, splurgery?" Magoo usually connotes a sense of incompetence and a lack of aptitude in dealing with the trials and tribulations of life. Magoos tend to be relatively greasy, of low-to-average intelligence quotient, and often sport rather mangey facial hair. Those labeled Magoo sometimes harbor serious online gambling addictions. Moreover, Magoos usually possess an exaggerated sense of self-worth when deciding that members of the opposite sex are all over their stuff. Magoos sometimes spread the scourge of Magoovarian cancer or engage in the highly illicit trade of nonexistent iPods as Quizzo prizes. Those Magoos originating around Mt. Ararat in modern-day Turkey tend to carry the surname Magooyzarian, in the Armenian tradition. In addition, some of the northern European Magoos take on the surname Maguber.

Scummo: Any phylum of lowly vertebrate hailing from the eastern edge of downtown Manhattan that acquired both (1) its dumminess and (2) its scumminess from bottom-feeding in the East River. Tending to form both chemical and camps-like bonds to scummotubes and scummoblogs, scummo is considered the diminutive form of either sculliam or scumgullion. "Scuppers and scummos are genetically very similar beasts," according to Isaac E. S. Schwizzleton, of Schwizzleton and Bros. Investment Associates. Schwizzleton's firm, which recently invested in both high net worth flying camps and Hollywood managerial camps, specializes in underrated food service companies that manufacture generic Doctor Pepper, caramel flan, and chicken wings. Schwizzleton claims that the P/E ratio of scuppers will overtake that of scummos sometime after summer 2007, when the market capitalization of all manner of camps will have far exceeded even the bull market's wildest dreams. Scummos have been known to attend nerd camps, space camps, and most recently hipster camps. There has been speculation that the eventual merger between scummo and camps will produce an un-American, science-mongering thug called scamps, whose grime and material slime far outweigh the ability of a four-time Olympic champion of magooing it up at sleep-away camps to slither or even shapeshift past David Icke at his world-renowned humanoid training camps.

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