If y'all didn't already know, Gabe Nelson and I are highly interested in undertaking a business venture called Hood House Holdings, which would invest in a blighted block somewhere deep in the hood. Our goal is first to identify a place so immersed in blight that other real estate sharks have not beat us to the punch. It's very important to get a good value on a purchase. Thus, we would like to avoid locations where demand for hood houses is already elevated. In addition to having deep hood status, it would be optimal for the location to be near somewhat commerical amenities and also in proximity to some sort of green space.
Second, upon identifying our block of interest, the next task is project financing. We intend to keep the city abreast of our plans, but we are not certain if we could cut a deal with the city for a whole block of abandoned, city-owned property. Either way, we would be shopping around to banks for a competitive loan for our Hood House Holdings venture. It's a shame that interest rates have gone up several percentage points on commerical loans in the past two years. It's not quite as cheap these days as it was when interest rates bottomed out. Regardless, other sharks face the same market pressures, as the money supply is tightened and less projects in general seek financing.
Third, after ascertaining a solid plan for financing this venture, the perfect opportunity would arise to design a block-long hood house with amenities never before seen in an American hood. Upon assembling a team of certified Hopkins engineers, the house would get severely tricked out. I suppose the security system would first need to be tweaked, since such a feature would prevent future loss of goods from the Hood House. The exterior of the dwelling would get tagged up by our team of graf artists, and we would commission the city's gayest landscape designers to spruce up the sidewalk and generally spruce up the Hood House. Internally, we would definitely require some rather serious renovations to the existing property. Hipsterites and like-minded folk would be promised a spot in the dwelling complex if they agreed to participate in the project.
Overall, the general concepts have been described for our plan to enter into a serious process of Hood renewal. We are interested in this mission to create an oasis of different culture in the otherwise-blighted Hood. Moreover, it'll be an affordable place to live and a solid real estate investment. In our process of detournement, we seek to extend the Situationist ideal to the hood. Spontaneous injection of postmodern attitudes and contrarian sensibilities into the Hood will be a way to address the outrageous separation that characterizes our divided society. We aim to counter the trend of gentrification with our brand of residential and commerical life, which not only respects Hood hospitality but actually integrates the finest aspects of Hood life into the fabric of our venture. We extol certain aspects/virtues of hood culture and seek to live on the fringe of bourgeois society, forming a link between the outcasts of the Hood and the card-carrying bourgeoisie.
Hood House Holdings is gettin' busy. Watch out now, we're bringing the whole crew in for Situationist instigation and exaltation.